How to Make a Life Change: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding AND Focusing on What Truly Matters
Let me ask you a tough but important question : Who’s really in the driver’s seat of your life?
Carl Jung put it best: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Let that sink in.
Put simply—if you’re not crystal clear on how your upbringing, culture, and triggers shape you, then you’re not truly in control. As my coach, Delmar Davis, says: “The backseat driver tends to steer us into the ditch.”
I know this firsthand because I’ve been there—stuck and resisting the path I knew I needed to take.
The good news? You can take the wheel again!
Huge shoutout to Delmar and his online course End the Fight To Change (a course on creating the life you want without all the “struggle”). The exercises below helped me create my destiny—check him out here.
In December 2023, I wrote my Destiny Statement. At the time, I was struggling—feeling lost, anxious, and stuck in place.
The Destiny Statement made my goals clear. And after a year of working with Delmar, every single thing I had dreamed of became real. WOW!
He guided me through imposter syndrome, procrastination, and a mountain of self-doubt. The thing I’d been avoiding—offering breathwork & hosting retreats—became the thing I couldn’t wait to wake up and do.
Now, I have six retreats in the works this year! … and oh sure - thanks for asking - here’s the next one in France (in french) and another breathwork retreat in the US this summer 😆
Where do you start?
Let’s be honest - making life changes can feel overwhelming.
What matters most? Will it fail like other times in the past?
Stepping back helps you rise above it all—seeing your life from a higher perspective, guided by your deepest values. From this vantage point, you can recognize where the biggest impact can come from surprisingly small shifts.
Step 1: Write Your Desire Statement for Each of the 8 Life Areas
The first step is getting honest about what you want. Take time to reflect on each of these eight areas and, using this format, write a short desire statement for each. I desire more ___ and les ___ in order to ___.
1. Environmental – Your Space, Surroundings, and Stuff
What kind of environment do you want to create for yourself?
A minimalist, peaceful home that feels like a sanctuary? An inspiring workspace that fuels creativity and focus? Maybe a vibrant, energizing space that reflects your personality and passions?
Your surroundings shape your mindset, productivity, and well-being. Whether it’s decluttering, adding intentional decor, or redesigning your space to support your goals, small changes can make a huge impact.
So, what kind of environment will help you thrive?
MY EXAMPLE FROM 2023: I desire more simplicity in my material life and less distraction in order to be present with what matters.
2. Physical – Your Health, Fitness, and Body
How do you want to feel physically?
Strong and capable, moving through life with ease? Energetic and full of vitality, ready to take on each day? More comfortable in your body, free from tension or discomfort?
Maybe you want to build endurance, improve flexibility, or simply feel more at home in your own skin. Your physical well-being affects everything—from your confidence to your daily motivation.
So, what’s the ideal state you’re working toward, and what small steps can you take to get there?
I desire more bliss in my body and less physical pain in order to have the vitality to focus on what matters.
3. Intellectual – What You’re Learning and Getting Better At
What skills, knowledge, or abilities inspire you?
Are you drawn to learning a new language to connect with different cultures? Mastering a craft that brings you joy and creative expression? Expanding your expertise to advance your career or deepen your passions?
Maybe you want to sharpen problem-solving skills, improve communication, or gain technical knowledge. Growth is a lifelong journey, and every new skill opens doors to new possibilities.
What’s calling to you right now, and how can you start building that skill today?
I desire more clarity and less overwhelm, rush, cloudiness in order to focus on what matters.
4. Emotional – Self-Knowledge, Emotional Regulation, and Resilience
How do you handle emotions?
Do you want to feel more balanced, staying centered even in stressful moments? Less reactive, so you respond with clarity instead of impulse? More self-aware, recognizing your emotions without letting them control you?
Maybe you want to build resilience, cultivate more inner peace, or strengthen your emotional intelligence in relationships. Your emotional well-being shapes how you experience life, and small shifts can create powerful change.
What’s one step you can take today to navigate your emotions with more ease?
I desire more ease in noticing & regulating emotions and less triggering in order to be present with my family & my own needs.
5. Relational – Your People, Connections, and Communication
What type of relationships, which people bring out the best in you?
Want more depth, where conversations go beyond the surface? Stronger connections, built on trust and shared experiences? More honest communication, where you feel truly heard and understood?
Maybe you’re craving more laughter, support, or a sense of belonging. Relationships shape our lives, and intentional effort can transform them. Whether it’s setting boundaries, expressing gratitude, or simply being more present, small actions create meaningful shifts.
What’s one way you can start deepening your connections today?
I desire more playful presence and less grinding of the gears in order to enjoy time together.
6. Creative – Your Projects, Ideas, and Personal Expression
How do you want to express yourself creatively?
Through writing—crafting stories, journaling your thoughts, or sharing your ideas with the world? Painting, using color and texture to bring emotions to life? Music, letting rhythm and melody be your voice? Or maybe through dance, photography, design, or another passion that fuels your soul?
Creativity is a powerful outlet for self-discovery and joy. Whether you want to create just for yourself or share your work with others, making space for creative expression can bring fulfillment and growth.
What’s calling to you, and how can you start creating today?
Here’s an example of my most refined desire statement, as it was the one that I ended up choosing to focus on (step 2 below).
I desire purpose, more impact and mastery thru my growing edge of facilitating breathwork, and less superficiality, spinning wheels, confusion about my direction and objective, without sacrificing my time freedom or my value in order to help my clients achieve their own sense of peace, purpose and play.
7. Financial – Your Work, Money, and Material Abundance
If money weren’t an issue, what would you do with your day? That’s your why you’re building towards.
Want to earn more, so you can create new opportunities and experiences? Spending wisely, aligning your money with what truly matters? Feeling financially secure, free from stress and able to plan for the future with confidence?
Maybe you want to build savings, invest, or create multiple income streams. Financial freedom isn’t just about numbers—it’s about creating a life where money supports your dreams instead of limiting them.
What’s one step you can take today to move closer to your financial goals?
I desire slightly more income and less impulse spending in order to feel “safer”, ie have more financial freedom.
8. Spiritual – Your Sense of Purpose, Meaning, and Clarity
How do you want to deepen your connection with yourself and the world?
Do you seek more inner peace, feeling grounded no matter what life throws your way? More mindfulness, fully present in each moment instead of lost in distractions? A stronger sense of purpose, knowing your life aligns with your values and passions?
Maybe you’re drawn to meditation, journaling, or spending more time in nature. Or perhaps it’s about deepening your spiritual practice, exploring philosophy, or simply learning to listen to your intuition.
Whatever path calls to you, how can you take a small step today toward greater connection and meaning?
I desire more connection with the divine, the sacred and less rush in order to appreciate this lifetime towards my purpose of learning, sharing & loving.
Step 2: Evaluate the Domino Effect
Once again, take a step back and ask yourself:
Which area, if improved, would create a positive domino effect on the rest of my life?
Which one shift could unlock momentum in multiple areas?
For example:
Improving your physical health might increase your energy, boost confidence, and enhance relationships.
Creating a calm, clutter-free environment could improve focus, reduce stress, and encourage better habits.
Strengthening emotional resilience could help you communicate better, improve decision-making, and enhance overall well-being.
Pick one area that will make the biggest impact and move forward with that.
MY DESIRE STATEMENT
Regarding my Breathwork in 2024… I desire purpose, more impact and mastery through my growing edge of facilitating breathwork, and less superficiality, spinning wheels, confusion about my direction and objective, without sacrificing my time freedom or my “market” value in order to help my clients achieve their own sense of peace, purpose and play.
The reason I picked this one (creativity) was it was where I felt most stuck. I was tempted to focus on physical and emotional health (which we still did in my coaching sessions), but what I found was that as I created greater focus on moving forward with this creative project, everything else started to fall into place.
It was like I had taken the parking brake off the car, and all of a sudden the gas pedal and the steering wheel finally worked again!
Step 3: Write Your Destination Statement
This is the part of the exercise that I found MOST impactful and that, one year later, has blown me away! The first part is important to understand what to focus on, but, for me, this is where the magic starts to happen!
Once you’ve identified your focus, write a Destination Statement that follows these key principles:
✅ Positive: Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.
✅ Self-Driven: Make sure it’s something you have control over.
✅ Measurable: You’ll know when you’ve achieved it.
✅ Balanced: It doesn’t diminish other parts of your life.
✅ Realistic: It’s within reach based on where you’re at.
Example Destination Statement
If you chose Physical Health:
“I will know I have arrived at my destination when. . . I feel lighter, more vital and easily seek out playful & challenging physical activities. The aches I have now (back/knee/overall) will have moved more in the background and I’ll have more energy for what matters most.”
If you chose Emotional Growth:
“I will know I have arrived at my destination when. . . I’m having fewer conflicts and more connection with my family and ALSO with myself. I’ll feel more peace, purpose & play and accept myself when it feels quite the opposite so I can move thru the density & re-center.”
Now it’s your turn—write your Destination Statement based on the area you’re focusing on.
MY DESTINATION STATEMENT
(ALL THOSE ✅ means it happened since I wrote this statement!!!)
I will know I have arrived at my destination when… I’m having a lot of fun, really connecting with others and finding myself naturally wanting to invest more time in my “business”
✅ when I follow my INTUITION, effortlessly showing up, seeing patterns & helping guide others towards their truth.
✅ when my TIME FREEDOM still feels vibrant ie I have a least 1 complete recharge day (Monday) & a quarterly adventure.
✅ when I have 5 clients that are working with me for a series of 5+ sessions.
✅ and I have 3 individual client sessions per week.
✅ and a 6-10 person group class per week.
✅ and a monthly 10-12 person in-person deep dive workshop.
✅ and 1 monthly online breathwork, bonus points for 1 in French and 1 in English.
✅ and 1 quarterly weekend retreat with 10 people.
✅ and 1 annual week deep dive retreat with 10 people. (in the works!)
Step 4: Write Your Destiny Statement
Your Destiny Statement is about the bigger picture—what happens after you’ve reached your goal? Where does this take you?
Ask yourself:
How does this change shape my life long-term?
What new possibilities open up?
How does this impact others around me?
Example Destiny Statements
For Physical Health:
“When I have arrived, my destiny will be to feel my best physically, have more energy to travel, create, and be fully present in my relationships. I inspire others to take care of themselves and experience life more fully.”
For Relational Growth:
“When I have arrived, my destiny will be to foster deep, authentic relationships, I feel more connected and supported. I create a strong community where I uplift and am uplifted in return.”
Now, write your Destiny Statement—where is this journey leading you?
MY DESTINY STATEMENT
When I have arrived, my destiny will be to…
Help others see their greatness and uncover their “golden shadow”, dropping shame for self-love.
Help them feel safe, trust & hence reconnect with a natural, slow & sustaining breath pattern.
Work with other healers to grow awareness of our field.
Continue to lean into my own edge and lead others through theirs.
Step 5: Take Action
With your Desire, Destination, and Destiny Statements in place, it’s time to take action. Start small:
What one thing can you do this week to move forward?
How will you hold yourself accountable? This is where having a coach helped the process… so much!!!! I highly encourage you to consider the investment!
Final Thoughts: Creating a Life You Love
Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with clarity and focused action, transformation is inevitable.
By choosing one key area, crafting a clear vision, and aligning it with your bigger purpose, you create a ripple effect that improves every aspect of your life.
Are you ready to take that first step? Start with your Desire Statements, find your Domino Effect Change, and set a powerful intention for where you’re headed.
Want more guidance on creating meaningful change in your life?" If you're ready to take the next step, reach out! Whether it's a one-on-one session, a free online online session or our next retreat, I'd love to support your journey! 🙏
